The road to Abu Dhabi ...

In August 2014 I quit my job in London to take up the role of Referee Chief for the Abu Dhabi Ice Sports Club. 

For the 2014/15 ice hockey season (September 2014 until June 2015), I will be living in Abu Dhabi and working as the Referee Chief for the Abu Dhabi Ice Sports Club. 

Today (5 September 2014) I am leaving the UK and heading to the UAE on my own with my referee kit, as many clothes and shoes as the airline would let me bring and a bag full of sun cream!

Am I crazy?

This is a question I have asked myself a lot over the last few months and daily since I made the decision to leave my job, friends and family in London in pursuit of ice hockey in the desert.  It is also a question that I can see in the eyes of many people who I tell what I am about to do.  I guess the answer is ‘maybe a little bit’, but aren’t we all a little bit crazy sometimes?  How do I explain and rationalise my craziness …

Post-Olympic blues

On 20 February 2014 I had the honour of refereeing the Gold Medal Olympic Final in Sochi between Canada and USA. 

This was the pinnacle of my officiating career so far and what I had been focussed and determined to achieve for a very long time.  It was my third Olympic Games and came following an emotional roller-coaster couple of years where I had to deal with the grief of losing my Dad, who was my inspiration and support and above all else my biggest fan.  There were times when I was close to quitting refereeing altogether.  Emotionally I was broken.  I hit rock bottom and wasn’t sure what my life was about during the first few months after losing him.

Somehow I managed to find the will to dream again and I dreamt about making my third Olympics and getting that Gold Medal Final.  My family and friends provided the support and encouragement I needed to make that dream come true and I found in myself the self-belief that I had been lacking for so many years.

The hard work, dedication and focus are difficult to describe but on the day I found out I was selected to go to Sochi I knew it had all been worth it.  The 2014 Sochi Olympic Games was a fantastic experience and I enjoyed every minute of it.  Being selected as the referee for the gold medal game was a dream come true and more emotional than I ever expected or could have been prepared for.  The adrenaline buzz and the experience was further fuelled by the game being the greatest game of women’s international ice hockey in the history of the Olympics so far.  So what happens after the buzz, after the Olympics and when I returned back to normal life in London?

For me post-Olympic blues hit very hard.  For years my focus and energy had been directed towards achieving a goal.  I had achieved the goal and it was an amazing high.  So what next?

Three days after refereeing the gold medal final I found myself back in London at my desk in my day job responding to emails and filling in an excel spread-sheet.  My life seemed boring and a little pointless. 

I felt so alive refereeing at the Olympics in Sochi, where every day was a challenge and an adventure.  Back home my job (which I had loved and was passionate about before I went to the Olympics) now seemed mundane and dull.  Nothing seemed to be working.  I was trying to get up at 5:30am to train in the gym like I had done for several years in the run up to Sochi but again I couldn’t find the motivation to do this.  When most of the world is asleep and you are sitting on a tube train on the way to the gym you often ask yourself – ‘what am I doing?’  Before Sochi I always answered myself with ‘You are going to the gym to train because just maybe it will help you live your dream’.  But after the Olympics I found myself sitting there without an answer.  I needed a new goal and a new dream.  But how do you set a new goal or a new dream that will be as significant as the last one when the last one was so epic?  It is quite easy to see how and why so many sports stars need emotional and psychological support when they retire from their careers given the huge void it must leave in their life.

Many of my friends and family were also asking me ‘Are you going to try for Pyeongchang 2018?’  It is really tough to know the answer to this question within days, weeks or months of returning from an Olympics.  Getting selected to referee at an Olympics doesn’t just happen.  It takes a lot of hard work and focus and so really the question is do I have the drive and passion in me to keep going?  Do I want to spend the next four years of my life training hard, eating right and at times missing out on life (birthdays, weddings, christenings, starting a family of my own) and making sacrifices to ensure I have done everything humanly possible to be the best I can be just so I can be selected?  I guess for me the question became ‘what is my life if I don’t have hockey in it, and would I be missing out on life if I didn’t try for Pyeongchang?’

It was clear that mentally and emotionally I was spiralling downwards and the lack of focus and goal was difficult for me to comprehend.  I decided to reach out for some help in the form of a sport psychologist who asked me the questions I knew I should be asking myself.  I also spoke to Ice Hockey UK who opened a dialogue with the International Ice Hockey Federation on my behalf.  Being an international ice hockey referee is a career and like any other career you can get advice about the next step – do I stay on the ice or do I call it a day and end my international officiating career?  How do I keep the fire and passion in my belly to keep refereeing and enjoying it?  Will I ever be excited about refereeing a game even if it is not the Olympic final?

How did I get the job?

I was plodding on with life after the Olympics and trying to muddle my way through my options when the Officiating Manager for the International Ice Hockey Federation called me to talk to me about my officiating career and potential options.  KK (as he is affectionately known by officials around the world) has been a presence in my international officiating career since my first international tournament in 2003.  He had spoken with Andy French at Ice Hockey UK and as a result he thought it would be helpful if he had a conversation with me about my officiating future.

KK talked to me about staying on the ice for another season and the potential new challenges that may bring for me.  At the age of 31 I did feel too young to retire but at the same time after 3 Olympics I was starting to wonder what happens when I do decide to step off the ice - how would I know what my life was about without ice hockey in it?  KK talked to me about the options of becoming an international referee instructor and/or supervisor in the future.  After the discussion I felt a strong sense of purpose and resolve. I decided it was ok to take each year as it comes and stay refereeing for as long as I still had a passion for it.  I think I just needed to hear from someone that I didn’t need to retire from my international career if I didn’t want to.

Whilst I had decided to stay officiating for the next season, KK offered me the opportunity to get a flavour of what being a supervisor is like because he felt that it might help me decide about my long-term future.  The International Ice Hockey Federation was running a Hockey Development Camp for Women in Vierumaki, Finland in July.  So I took him up on this opportunity and jetted to Finland for a week in July to assist in the supervising and instructing of the new female officials on the camp.

I was familiar with the IIHF Hockey Development Camp for Women because I had myself attended the inaugural camp for women in 2003.  Eleven years later I had officiated at the Gold Medal final thus proving that the development camps and programmes run by the IIHF really do work - I am clearly a product of them! 

  

The camp brought together 22 female officials from across the world, all of them new to the international programme and eager to learn how they could progress on the international stage.  As I stood at the front of the classroom to introduce myself I could see the passion and drive in their eyes and for the first time since the Olympics I felt alive again.  I felt slightly afraid that I wasn’t going to be a good enough instructor for them … but as the week progressed this fear in me subsided.  The group of officials became a strong team and I could see in them the feelings I had and the emotions I went through.  It was this empathy that helped me be the instructor they needed me to be that week.

At the camp I was lucky enough to be supporting and working with two referee instructors from the IIHF Officiating Committee.  Matt Leaf, Director of Officiating for USA Hockey and Kim Pedersen, General Manager for Danish Ice Hockey.  Both have been a fantastic support to me in my officiating career and were more than happy to throw me in at the deep end by letting me run sessions on my own for the women.  I had thought I might get to sit at the back of the classroom and just watch them be instructors for the week but they had other ideas! From day 1 I was delivering classroom sessions, running ice practices and putting the women through their paces on the running track.  I got to experience a new buzz of adrenaline and it was awesome.  I got to see some of the women form a dream and start to go after it.  I got to see some of the women improve and get closer to realising their dream and finally I got to see that I could make a difference and have an impact.  One day in the future I could watch one of them referee an Olympic Final with the knowledge that in some small way I may have helped them get there and helped them achieve their goal.

Over a drink one night at the camp, the IIHF Asian Project Manager mentioned to me that he was looking to help the Abu Dhabi Ice Sports Club appoint a Referee Chief for the up-coming season on a 9 month contract.  On the back of my new found buzz of adrenaline I asked him what the job involved and as he told me more I replied ‘sign me up’!  He asked me what I would do about my job in London and whether I could really go.  I told him ‘sometimes you just need to back yourself and trust your instincts’.  Matt and Kim both said they would give me a reference and Matt added that whilst some may say I am crazy he would say I had just shown him that I believe in myself.  Matt has been on my journey for a long time now and to have his support means a lot to me.

The rest is history!  On returning to the UK I received an email from the IIHF putting me in touch with the Abu Dhabi Ice Sports Club who in turn spoke with me about the role and the opportunity.  I spoke to my employer and unfortunately they couldn’t offer me a 9-month leave of absence … so I decided to take a leap of faith.  I quit my job and decided to go to Abu Dhabi and see what the future may hold for me. 

If it doesn’t work out then I can always come home and get a normal job again!

What is the job?

The role is to recruit new officials, and to train, develop and education the existing officials for the Emirates Hockey League.  In addition to this I am required to referee in the Emirates Hockey League myself and to give lectures on the IIHF rulebook to junior and senior players.

I will be responsible for the officiating programme for the Emirates Hockey League and everything that entails, from running camps and seminars, through to assigning games, supervising games, reviewing match reports and coordinating discipline for the league.

I was put in touch with two officials from Finland who had previously held the role and they were kind enough to talk to me about their time in the UAE.  Both enjoyed their experiences in the UAE but said to me it will be different to what I am used to!

I guess I won’t really know what the job is until I get there and get a chance to do it … and that is half of the fun!

Is there ice hockey in the UAE?

When I told my friends and family what I was going to do this question came up a lot.  I think they thought it was an elaborate story to get out of working and to go on holiday for 9 months!  However, I can confirm there is a pocket of ice hockey in UAE that is as passionate and as crazy about ice hockey as people are everywhere else in the world!

There are six teams in the Emirates Hockey League: Theebs; Whitebears; Storm; Scorpions; Camels; and Oilers, and there are three ice rinks in UAE.  The ice rinks in Dubai and Al Ain are in shopping centres, which will be a challenge for me given my obsession with shopping.  The ice rink in Abu Dhabi looks fantastic and would rival many of the rinks in the UK from what I have heard!

There are currently 15/16 officials for the league – some of who are local emirates and some are expats with experience of officiating in Canada, USA and Scandinavia.

I don’t know what the standard of play is like but I do know there is a good strong ice hockey community because many of the players and officials have already reached out to me to welcome me.

Beyond the Emirates Hockey League there are local leagues run in Dubai and Abu Dhabi, mixed in with some junior games and also some tournaments throughout the year.  From what I have heard I could be on the ice at least once a day if not more which is pretty crazy considering I will be in the middle of the desert!

What do I know?

The reality of this question is actually I know very little about what I am getting myself into and I guess that is part of the excitement.

I do know:

• I am being picked up at the airport by a man who works for the Abu Dhabi Ice Sports Club who will apparently be easy to find because he will be wearing a green polo shirt;
• My new boss is called Mohamed Aref ;
• My accommodation and travel is provided in addition to my monthly salary;
• I will be staying in a villa owned by the Abu Dhabi Ice Sports Club with other coaches who work for the club (one of whom emailed me to welcome me – he is called Matti and is from Finland) – but I don’t know how far it is from the beach and if I have a place for guests yet;
• I will have access to a car – but I don’t know what it is;
• I will be home at Christmas at some point – but I don’t know when;
• I don’t know what it is like in Abu Dhabi although I have been to Dubai a number of times and one of my best friends worked there and had a great time;
• I don’t know anyone in UAE but I have friends of friends and a whole hockey community to immerse myself into;
• I don’t know if I will be able to fly any officials out to help me but I will look into it for all of you who have offered your services; and
• I will be in charge of the officials for the Emirates Hockey League – but I don’t quite know what that means yet!

So it is a little bit of the un-known.  However many of the officials in the UAE have been emailing me to welcome me and they have offered to meet with me to help me settle in.

What have I been doing since I got the job?

Since being appointed in the role I have been busy organising a Pre-Season Camp for all of the officials.  This has been slightly tricky given I have been in the UK but I now have the camp scheduled for 12 and 13 September in Abu Dhabi.  I have confirmed the programme and have the majority of officials confirmed to attend. 

I have been fortunate enough to have the support of many instructors and supervisor around the world who have sent me material, videos and suggested camp topics to help me.  It is great to be part of an officiating family and I am grateful to them for all of the support they have given me so far and for all of their help which I will inevitably need over the coming months.

My good friend Mike Hicks recently got appointed as Referee Chief for Ice Hockey UK.  Over the last few weeks I have found myself camped out at his house in Cardiff so he could help me set-up an on-line document sharing and assignment system for the referees in the UAE.  In addition to organising and sharing a number of files, videos and templates that he has been working on for Ice Hockey UK, Mike has also helped me to structure my thoughts and plans for the next 9 months.  It is a much less daunting task to know that whilst I will be out in the UAE on my own, I am really not alone at all and I have a fantastic support network around the world!  

Earlier in the week after a day of computer work at Mike’s house, Mike took me for dinner with some of the local officials and my good friend and support Matt Thompson. At the dinner Mike presented me with a trophy and three gold whistles (one on a plague and two in a box and ready to be used) from Ice Hockey UK in recognition of my achievements at the Olympics.  I was overwhelmed and it made me realise how fortunate I am to have the backing and support of everyone in the UK.  It also made me laugh because if it is appropriate to use a gold whistle anywhere in the world it has to be in Dubai with their famous gold souks!  I hope they won’t mind me bringing a bit of my own bling from the UK!

I have also been in touch with all of the existing officials in the UAE to invite them to the camp but also to get to know them all a little bit better.  They have all filled in a profile form for me, which has helped to give me an idea of their experience and skill levels.  I am looking forward to working with them all!

Why am I writing this blog?

A lot of friends and family asked me if I would write a blog while I am away or at least keep a diary of the experiences so I can remember what it was like.  I decided it may be a good way for me to rationalise the challenges and the adventure I am about to embark on.  It is probably also a good way to help me not miss the people I love and my life back home too much.

The next 9 months is a little bit about me finding myself, a little bit about me getting back into training and learning to just love refereeing again (even when it is not a gold medal final at an Olympics), and a lot about seeing if I can give something back to a sport that has given me so much.  I want to see if in some small way I can make an impact on the world of ice hockey to help others get the enjoyment I have from it!

This blog is for all of the people who love and support me enough to let me go on this little adventure.  Thank you for understanding why I need to go and for not calling me crazy when even I acknowledge I am a little bit.   Leaving you behind and going on this adventure on my own is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Thank you for supporting me and encouraging me to do it.

I can’t promise it will be an exciting read but I can promise I will do my best to update it every week or so and let you all know the fun, excitement and adventure that is ice hockey in UAE!